Just for Fun

The Cloud

The interesting thing about cloud computing is that we’ve redefined cloud computing to include everything that we already do. I can’t think of anything that isn’t cloud computing with all of these announcements.”

Larry Ellison CEO – Oracle Corporation, 2008

Are you tired of living your life tied down to reality? Do you forget dates, miss TV shows, get sick, or wish you could show your friends the most recent sequence of pictures of your newborn burping? Then you need to enter the world of cloud computing. All you need is a fast internet connection and you can do anything that people with high-end computers can do, which is everything worth doing. Need to share those photos? Do it on the cloud! We are so secure that you can’t delete the pictures even if you want to. Want to watch 72 hours straight of Lost? The cloud has you covered. Want to collaborate on calendars, documents, crossword puzzles, or trash-talking? Doing things in person is going out of style fast, so do it on the cloud. You can interact and counteract in real time with anyone in the world without the hassle of moving. Farm on the cloud, sing on the cloud, cry on the cloud. Everyone and no one will hear you. Rising healthcare costs will soon be a thing of the past. Need to visit the doctor to have a lump looked at? We can connect you to doctors in India who will have a look at it and email you a prescription in minutes (not to be confused with Chatroulette, which may also involve people asking to look at your lumps). Keep all your finances on the cloud and the cloud will file your taxes for you. You can shop on the cloud, talk on the cloud, mock on the cloud, and vote on the cloud. Politics has never been so transparently meaningless as it is when it’s done on the cloud. Occupy the cloud! Tweet, post, like, comment, and repeat. On the cloud! Dating is risky when you have to be in the same room as a potential loser, so why not do it on the cloud? Sex is messy! Do it on the cloud! (Apple has no app for that, but you can find them in the Android store) Watch your children in the adjacent room, check the puppycam in New Jersey, and order a pizza for dinner, all on the cloud. You can access the cloud from your home, your car, a public bathroom, or from any of our new partner cloud-connected airlines. Sign up now and get a five minute trial for free. It’s all you’ll need. Stop living on boring old earth and start living on the cloud today.




Not sure what cloud computing is?


I’m trying out different writing styles and in this one I’m copying the style of ‘Shouts and Murmurs’ from the New Yorker. I’d love some feedback.


One response to this post.

  1. Andrew, Andrew, Andrew,

    I hadn’t read Shouts and Murmurs until you posted this. How did I live without it? It’s as over the top as Mad Magazine.

    I’m afraid that Shouts & Murmurs (I don’t want to call is S&M) is even more over the top than your terribly clever post. Why not move yourself to the cloud and work remotely?

    Thanks for broadening my horizons and finding another way for me to waste time.



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